The Ten Commandments

I read this tweet by @peachypics the other day and it reminded me about something my mother used to say.

Firstly, I should point out that we’re not a religious family. My mother grew up in a very large Catholic family, lived next to a church and I assume that they attended church weekly. I myself attended Catholic school for one year but this was because our local school had closed and it was the nearest one. I was baptised but, too be honest, I can’t remember as what. As for my daughter, I feel that religion is something she should discover for herself in time. She’s not been baptised as we feel it would be hypocritical as we have no intention of attending church weekly. I know some people who’ve done it just for the party and presents!

My mother always said that you should live your life by the 10 commandments which made perfect sense to me at the time (though shall not kill, covet neighbours wife, commit adultery, etc) and I didn’t question it. However, when I sat down and thought about it, I couldn’t remember what all 10 of them were.

This is not intended to be blasphemous but tongue in cheek.

1.) You shall have no other gods before me.

As I’m agnostic, I’m not convinced either way, I think I’m okay with this one. If I don’t believe in god I can’t put any others before. Yes???

2.) You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.

I can’t even peel a Butternut Squash so the likelihood of this happening is minimal.

3.) You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

I’m guilty of this one….I’ve been known to utter for Jeezuz H. Christ or Jesus on a Bicycle.

4.) Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Does religiously going to the pub for Sunday Lunch count?

5.) Honour your father and your mother

For the most part, however, it was a bit shaky in my teens!

6.) You shall not murder.

I’ve never intentionally killed anything. I tend to rescue insects and set them free outside. However, I’ve accidently trodden on slugs/snails more than once.

7.) You shall not commit adultery.

So far so good!

8.) You shall not steal.
Does nicking stationery from work count?

9.) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
I’ve called the Police, the Council, Health and Safety, and Environmental Health on numerous occasions on the neighbours but never beared false witness.

10.) You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour’s.

Luckily, my neighbour doesn’t have any livestock or servants and I don’t fancy him or his wife. However, their son is a bit of a jackass! And for coveting their house, you know my feelings about their extension.

Hmmm, come to think of it there is a slim chance I may murder my neighbour. Please see 6.

As, you can see I’m not doing so well following my mum’s advice, but I’m a good person and I am living a good life.

How to Take Decent I-Phone Photos

I’m not a budding photographer.  I do have a digital camera and an i-phone, but I rarely remember to take my camera out and tend to rely on my i-phone. Unfortunately, the camera in the i-phone is inherently crap. The biggest problem is the slow shutter speed, which results in blurry photos.

I don’t want to be looking back at photos of Madame in 20 years and be gutted that they’re all blurry.  I would really like to be able to take decent photos with my i-phone but to date I haven’t had a lot of luck.  So, I’ve been doing a bit of research and this is what I found…..

How to take decent photos with an i-phone:

  • The best tip I found.  Every time I tried to take a photo I would press the button, phone would wobble, and I’d end up with a blurry photo.  I didn’t realise that it is actually releasing the button that takes the photo.  Hold your finger on the button and don’t let go until you are ready to take the photo.
  • Play Statues – shout freeze before you take a photo.  I-phones can’t cope with movement at all.  This is a lot easier said than done with a 3 year old
  • Hold the phone horizontally as it is much more stable
  • If you can, brace your arm on a table, wall etc.  Alternatively, hold your elbows firmly at your sides and take a deep breath.
  • Don’t bother taking distance photos as it just won’t cope and you’ll be disappointed
  • Ideally, the object you are focussing on should be no more or less than 2-12 feet away from you.
  • Bright rainy days are the best.  Luckily, this isn’t a problem in the UK
  • Try taking photos from unusual angle.
  • If you want to take a self portrait use the shiny Apple logo on the back of the photo as a mirror.  It will take a couple of goes to work it out.
  • Remember that colour is your friend.
  • Avoid bright white backgrounds, including the sky.  Neutral (natural) backgrounds work a lot better.  Too much white freaks it out.
  • Take loads of Photos, the beauty of digital photography.

Over the weekend, I tried to apply some of these techniques.  The results aren’t brilliant but an obvious improvement.

If all else fails, you can always tart up your photos with these apps.

1.) One of my favourites….Colour Splash.  Lets you quickly convert to black and white and then add a splash of colour.

2.  Picture Show – loads of weird and whacky things you can do with photos.

3.) Quad Camera – allows you to take continuous shots.

I hope this helped in some way.  Do you have any other hints/tips/suggestions?  I would be most grateful.