Category: Humour

What’s in Your Handbag?

I came across this Meme yesterday.  For those of you not familiar with Meme’s (I had no idea what they were till a week ago), someone does a blog post and invites others to do the same (e.g. favourite childhood memory, the most revolting thing you’ve done, etc).  Being a bull in a China shop I don’t wait around to be invited so when I find something that I like I just do it.  To be honest I’ve never been tagged to do one….I wonder why? ;-)

I’ve never had a handbag and never will.  My best friend has a Prada Handbag that cost £750…pure silliness.  I think there’s an inverse correlation between the price of a handbag and intelligence. So I must be a genius!  It contains my blackberry (which I hate) and my credit cards.  When I was in University I carried a man’s leather wallet and my grandmother was convinced I was a lesbian.  However, it does have a trusty strap so when I’m pissed I can wear it around my neck and not lose it.

My husband bought it for me after this……

Now, the contents of my jacket pockets are a whole different story……

As usual this is open to everyone.  So, what’s in your handbag?

My Survival Guide

Being Canadian I am fairly resourceful, in spite of this I can’t wrestle a bear, start a fire by rubbing sticks together or read a compass, but I can get a cork out of a wine bottle without a corkscrew.  I’m sure this doesn’t surprise any of you.  So, if you ever find yourself in this situation try one of these.

1.)    Don’t be such a snob in the first place and buy screw top wine and you won’t find yourself in this predicament.

2.)    Remove the plastic bit that covers the cork, wrap the end of the bottle in a towel and bang it ‘gently’ against a tree, fence or something similar (avoid concrete for obvious reasons).  It will gradually make its way out.  When enough is protruding grab the cork with your fingers and gently twist and pull.

3.)    Push the cork into the bottle.  You can use just about any kitchen utensil.  My favourites are butter knives or the handle of a wooden spoon.  Be careful as some may spray out but this is better than no wine at all.

4.)    If you’re a bit of a DIYer you can drive a screw into the top of it and use a pair of pliers to pull it out.

Cheers!

Embarrassing Moments

Here is my contribution to @urbanvox’s most embarrassing moments meme.  It’s an old post so hopefully it’s okay.

After having my daughter, to say I was self conscious about my body would be an understatement.  So when I was invited to my best friend’s Hen Party in Spain, the thought of putting on a bathing suit filled me with dread.

I met up with my best friend prior to going and we were chatting about this.  She said that everyone would be wearing bikinis and there would be all shapes and sizes, from a size 6 to a 20.  After a few beers I decided ‘what the hell’ and headed to BHS to try on some bikinis.  I’ve never really been a bikini person.  I can assure you it didn’t look good but, I don’t know how, it did look better than my one piece Speedo style one.  It may have been the beer talking

Fast-forward; so, off to Spain we went and hit the beach.  Lying on the sun beds wasn’t a problem as long as I kept my arms strategically placed above my head.  But, after several pints I couldn’t put off a trip to the loo any longer.  So, I stood tall, shoulders back and held my stomach in with all my might and proceeded to walk the length of the bar past all my friends and other stag and hen parties.

I was convinced they were all staring at me…….

And they were…………

As I’d walked the entire length of the bar with my Tampon string hanging out of my bikini!  I might as well have been naked!

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Shiny Happy People

Yay!  I was finally tagged to do the Shiny Happy People Meme.  Thanks to @tiddlyompompom for this as this is one that I wanted to do.  The brief is to blog about something that makes you smile, it can be a photo, song, story, etc.

My first thought was my Wedding Song, ‘I knew I Loved You’ by Savage Garden as it makes me smile but this one had me in hysterics last Monday.  Sorry to all you non-Glee fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB_w7q8NC-U

As for a photo, here is one of my daughter that always makes me smile.  Yes, it’s a little girl and not an old man or a turtle.  As you can see she loved her first trip to Canada

As usual, I’d like to make this Meme open to everyone.  However, I would like to see what makes @bubblynatz, @iaingilmour, and @the_moiderer smile.

For my own sadistic pleasure, I’d also like to throw it out to @chickenruby as adding photos and video to her blog will cause her undue stress. ;-P

Pain in the Butt

I’m 38 years old.  I don’t look good in a G-string, never have and never will!  So, why do I have a whole drawer full of them?  They’re impractical, uncomfortable and unflattering!  To put it simply they’re a pain in the butt!  My friends swear by them but they don’t have children!

These girls can get away with it:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDlqPZWSyRo

But, I look more like this:

So, I’ve decided to burn them!  It’s a bit drastic I know, but I can’t sling them into the Oxfam Recycling Box (that would be gross) and they’re useless as dust rags. (do note my attention to Health and Safety)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5emBQpxePY

It’s not as significant as Bra burning in the 60’s but it sure was liberating!  Now I have more room in my lingerie drawer for these sexy numbers, which may not look flattering but they sure do help!