Category: Humour

Another Joy of Getting Older

Prior to having my daughter I used to take quite good care of myself.  Every couple of months I’d treat myself to mini manicure, pedicure, eyebrow threading, bikini wax and visits to the hairdresser weren’t yearly. My husband really doesn’t take a blind bit of notice so I really don’t bother anymore. Plus, it saves us a few pounds.  I do, however, still have my eyebrows and nails done occasionally.

And this is when it happened….

I was having my eyebrows done and when the lady was finished.  She said in her broken English…

‘Would you like me to do your lip?’

I was stunned into silence, panic set in; my head was racing….WTF? OMG! I have a femtash!

I really don’t remember what I said, but I think I politely said ‘no thank you’ and then high-tailed it out of there without leaving a tip!  I spent the rest of the day checking my upper lip in every reflective surface and in every different light.  Paranoia consumed me, but I couldn’t see anything.  I even tried tugging on the culprit but couldn’t.  When hubby returned home I had him check as well, according to him there was nothing, but could I trust him to answer honestly?

Luckily, a couple of weeks later at the pub, I was having a beer fuelled conversation with a few of the girls and low and behold I’m not the only one who has had the same experience at the same salon.  I guess its routine practice.  However, I still think it’s rude and have emailed the salon!

And for the record…..I don’t!

My 99 Things

This is just for fun and, as I’m new around here, I thought it might be a good way for you to get to know me a bit better. I stole the idea from A Mother’s Ramblings, who in turn stole it from American Mom in England, who possibly…….So feel free to do the same.

Here’s a list of 99 things. Bold the ones I’ve done.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii (Christmas Present from mum when I was 10)

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland (in California)

8. Climbed a mountain (Mount Kinabalu, 2nd Highest in Southeast Asia)

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris (several times)

13. Watched a lightening storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (knitting but I’m rubbish at it)

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (wasn’t worth it!)

18. Grown your own vegetables (had an allotment)

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train (from Cairo to Luxor, worst sleep ever)

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked (around Ireland)

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (more than once!)

24. Built a snow fort (well, I am Canadian)

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse (Solar Eclipse, 2000, in Hungary)

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke (badly, Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper)

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa (went on Safari for my 30th)

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving (to mark the end of mates Chemo)

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (3 times)

77. Broken a bone (my little toe)

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (flew to the bottom in helicopter)

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (does fishing count)

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous (served John Denver when I was a teen)

92. Joined a book club (started one and it’s been going 10 years)

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee (just this summer and forgot how much it hurts!)

I think I’ve done 62 but keeping losing track.  I’m fairly happy with that!

Mr. and Mrs.

Loads of people have been doing adorable interviews with their kids.  I wanted to take part, but unfortunately my daughter is still too young.  So instead, I’ve decided to interview my husband Mr. and Mrs. style. Not very original I know.

He only got 4/10.  I do need to give him some slack though. We married after knowing each other for only11 months and that was less than 4 years ago, so in a lot of ways we’re still getting to know each other.

Feel free to do one yourself; I’d love to see your results. You could even interview your cat like The_Moiderer!

1.) What year was I born?

Oh sh*t!  Let me think….1973. Wrong. Would have been good if you’d remembered this when we were being interviewed by immigration.

2.)How much do I weigh?

Am I allowed to answer that…10.5 stone.  Close enough

3.) What size shoes do I wear?

Get those blooding things of the sofa (my Uggs)…7.5.  Wrong again.  They’re 8s

4.) What is my favourite book?

Oh, that guy that died.  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Correct

5.) What is my favourite TV Programme?

The Jungle One…I’m a Celebrity.  Wrong.  I do enjoy it but it’s not my favourite.  Would have accepted Glee, Desperate House Wives, or House.

6.) What was my first job?

Working in a Restaurant.  Wrong.  Don’t think you can call McDonald’s a restaurant.

7.) What do I find most annoying about you?

I forget things…..wrong.  Told you, you never listen!

8.) Marmite; love it or hate it. Correct.

I hate it.  I’d rather chew my own toenails.

9.) What is my speciality in the kitchen?

Kraft Dinner (Macaroni and cheese in a box)…wrong again…making a mess or ruining dinner is my speciality.

10.) Would I rather be sober in a crowd of drunks or drunk in a crowd of sober people?

Drunk in a crowd of sober people.  Correct.  Well that was a no brainer wasn’t it!

A Wealth of Useless Knowledge

I’m a curious soul, one of my only traits I hope my daughter inherits.  This week I’ve learned that:

Baked Beans are Haricot Beans, which are sometimes called Pea Beans, hence why some people think they are peas.  Both peas and beans are Legumes which are fruits or seeds of anything that comes in a pod.  But what I really want to know is how to pronounce Legumes. Is it lay-goom, lee-goom, lie-goom or some other way?

Paracetamol is available as a suppository???  In Spain and Lapland this is the norm, even for children.  If my daughter is ever that sick and in need of one I hope we’re in a place with medically trained staff as there is no chance that I will be doing this!  Just seems wrong to me!

Tree Nuts are nuts that grow on trees (walnuts, cashews, Brazil nuts, macadamia nuts, chestnuts).  I know that is fairly obvious but didn’t realise there was a difference.  Interestingly, some people can be allergic to one and not the other.  I was also reminded that peanuts grow underground.  Not sure if I already knew that or had just forgotten.

Now if I could only remember these things I’d be a great quiz team player!

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Twitter has skewed the way I look at things.  I now see humour in some of the most mundane things.

Sign at the entrance of a special school???

One of my daughters bath toys???  Supposedly it’s seaweed.

Husband put biscuits in Tupperware to keep fresh???

This post was inspired by a conversation that I had with @chickenruby